So this week I had to make a tough decision, and now, today I head to Kristiansand to try something new. Its been a really hard year for me on and off the field, and I just feel ready for a change and some new scenery. Also its been a situation with the club KIL whereby it has been absolute shambles off the pitch (which is sad because on the pitch there is not a better place to be), and so for me as a foreigner, and someone who seems to struggle with injuries, having some support around me is necessary. I feel so exhausted from rolling solo with everything the last bunch of months, and as I said to my friends last night, I feel a little like I’ve just been beaten for the last few months; I have no expectations for anything at this point. Unfortunately the guy who runs my now former club is being a jerk and I am in a situation where I am having to fight with him over getting money that is owed. I hate stuff like that, but there is a lot of different people that have not had things covered and so apparently this is a pattern. I have to say, that when you are surviving on your last $40, waiting and practically begging for money that is owed you, that it just makes you question what is the point of all this. I realize even that I dont have it the worst; I have a friend who is another foreigner, who tore her ACL and had to pay for all the physio and all the surgery herself because this guy forgot to sort out the insurance. Its just unbelievable to me.
But maybe its a good thing for a change, and things do happen for a reason, I am a firm believer in that.
I also was crying last night, upset about having to leave a team I like so much, and just having that montage of memories of the last few years and all the injuries that I have had to go through that always seems to make my life so much tougher, and asked myself why do I do this. How mentally have I even done it. And its like for me, its just mountain after mountain, but there are beautiful views and breaks now and then, and in some ways those happy little moments allow me, when a new mountain arrives, to forget about all the peaks and valleys that have come before, and I just focus on getting up that new mountain. But the thing is for me; I dont think I am a glutton for punishment, although I love a challenge. I have met so many incredible people, and have had so many incredible experiences, that I wouldn’t have had, had I not continued climbing, so in some ways, that makes it all seem worth it, and at the end of the day, I have a feeling that I won’t have any regrets at the end of this fantastic journey, and those hard ascents, will be replaced by the friends that I have made, that will still be around me, and happy memories of all the good times, that I have been so blessed to have.
So goodbye Oslo and Kolbotn (well figuratively speaking; I will be keeping my room up here for now and commuting while I finish my thesis 🙂 and hello Kristiansand and Donn.
Essays on Life 