So I just spent my morning in the office of NISO, which is kind of like the players union, crying as I told my story with Kolbotn to the lawyer and player rep about how Kolbotn has not paid me what they owe me. I’m not a cryer, and I am someone that doesn’t get upset often because I dont really see the point, but it was like the stress of the last few months with the money, the stress of not being supported by the club with my injury, and just even the stress now of having to be dealing with this when I have my Masters to write and other things to take care of, just hit me as I started telling the story to the people in NISO. Also I think I realized just how sad I was that I had to leave a soccer situation that I enjoyed being in, because of this whole thing. Not to mention the bad publicity that I got for the move, in a sweet (I say sweet sarcastically) story that the online Norwegian football magazine wrote about me “abandoning” my third team in Norway. Love those idiots that just write uncomplimentary things without doing any research. If only that idiot would have seen the “apartment” that I lived in, in my first club and how the coach treated people, sat with me as I juggled school, the Irish National Team and a 2 hour train ride to Larvik where none of my teammates spoke to me hardly because they weren’t confident in English, and experienced what it would be like to wonder how you are going to pay for your food, let alone your rent, when a club can make a written contract and then not pay you what you are owed. People who don’t live the journey of a women’s footballer, really don’t have a clue how it goes. That’s why I guess you just roll your eyes and carry on when people think its necessary to say negative things. Or maybe most people would be smart enough to just pack it in after going through all that. What can I say, I just love the sport too much and know that those good times are always worth all the crap. And the crap always teaches us something.

So now I just have to sit and wait and see if the club accepts an offer that I made to them, to just pay me half of what is owing, for me to just walk away and move on from all this. I am just crossing my fingers that that happens, because I just want this to be over with, and want to have some money in my bank account again. I know things will work out, I just need to focus on all the good things in my life, and there are so many.

But this again reaffirms to me, the changes that I feel just have to be made in women’s soccer to push things forward. The unprofessionalism that I have witnessed as a “pro player” in my years over here, just makes me so motivated to do something to change the system. I have such a desire to do it, because I have felt it from my own heart and seen it from the friends of others just the desire we have to be able to just focus on the soccer and being the best that we can be, without having to constantly struggle against all this other stuff.

I leave on Friday with Ireland for Amsterdam. With all the uncertainty of my body these last few months, and even wondering if I would be able to play, I feel pretty blessed that I am healthy, fit and able to challenge for a spot for the 3 games coming up against Holland, Russia and Israel. I am also really stoked to get to see one of my best friends from my time in Oslo, Travis, who now lives in Amsterdam and who will be coming to my game on Sunday. There is always a light at the end of every tunnel, and light can always be found even when you are riding through what seems like total darkness.

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